Deal Envy

Envy - to be jealous of, resent, desire, covet.

Envy is depicted as an ugly little green-eyed troll sitting on your shoulder whispering sour nothings in your ear.

But how come envy is such a bad thing?

I could be on my own on this one - wouldn't be the first time - but I think envy has gotten a bad rep. A well-earned one thanks to trifling-ass people who allow their longing to spiral into bitterness or worse robbery and homicide.

No doubt envy was along for the ride recently on the DC Metro within a rash of incidents where riders were getting their iPods stolen - broad daylight and all. The transit authority had to issue leaflets warning people to be aware of their surroundings to avoid getting jacked for their tunes.

Jealousy and resentment are pretty harsh negatives.

But what's wrong with desiring or longing for something?

Desire is a strong motivator, lazy, sociopaths aside.

If it weren't for my desire, I would have never returned to writing.

My longing to spend the last half of my career self-employed has been a strong force behind me for three years. And it's taken three years for it to yield significant gain.

I'm not a number cruncher. But if I added the number of hours I've put into writing, revising, talking about, researching, querying and more revising of my novel - not to mention any money sunk into fortifying my home office and establishing a writing business - I'm fairly certain my book advance would amount to some obscenely insufficient hourly rate.

Thank God I'm not a number cruncher! I don't even want to know the real profit and loss this book equals.

My point is, I envy people who do what they love for a living and my desire to do the same has led me down the writer's path.

My first two years, I envied most of the YA writers on the shelves of Barnes & Nobles. Primarily the ones who I felt wrote similar fiction. That envy kept me writing. The only way I was ever going to join those writers was to finish and refine my own work.

No jacking involved.

Recently, a writing peer of mine sold her work for a handsome sum.

Do you like that vague reference? Handsome?

Handsome, in this case, means a writer can pursue the craft without holding a day job.

That's not just handsome it's downright gorgeous. And it's every writer's dream. Even those of us who actually like our full-time gig.

So, yuh, I'm feeling a bit of deal envy, today.

But I don't resent that writer's deal.

And jealousy? Not a lick.

I'm envious like, damn I need to sit my ass at the PC and start my next project, envy.

Like, I better make sure I'm doing my thing when it comes to shoring up my marketing plan, envy.

And like, that could be me one day if I keep at it, envy.

Envy motivates me.

And true, if you're a cold-hearted beast who finds it easier to take than work for yours, then yeah, motivation juiced by envy can get nasty. But, I'm naieve enough to think those are the minority.

I doubt I'm the only writer feeling a little more fire in my loins about my next career move since one of our peers struck the Holy Grail of deals.

It's not green-eyed envy, maybe just a little teal.

BTW, mad shout-out to Writer X and her handsome deal!! You know who you are.