Getting published is a real be-yatch! Hear about my ups, downs and a few random rants in between.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

PoP Corn: Blow out

Excuse me while I...AAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Five Reality "stars" I'd like to throw darts at while blindfolded:

Trishelle - Real World Pro - and I do mean pro as in trick.

Omarosa - I'm sooo over her. She lost her "professional" edge sometime between her breakdown in the Apprentice boardroom and Bravo's Battle of the Reality TV stars.

New York - Congrats NY, you made the list after being on only ONE RTV show.

Puck - umm...ew

Jonathan Anton - Blow Out's meglomaniacal star/stylist to the stars.

Blow Out is one of those shows that's like eating too much chocolate. You know eating too much is going to make you sick. But dammit you'll gorge until you hit that line.

I can't believe I've watched every season of BLOW OUT. But God forgive me, I have.

It's not one of my, gotta watch shows. But thanks to Bravo and their repeats of repeats of repeats, I'm bound not only to catch each episode, but most likely the marathon so I can watch them all in one fell, sickening swoop.

Jonathan Anton is the most metrosexual male on reality TV - Ryan Seacrest notwithstanding. He's pompous, self-absorbed, and irritating. He's straight but with that stereotypical bitchiness we've come to identify with Hollywood's version of a gay man or a too-ambitious woman.

Oh, yeah, dude is right out of central casting: Straight Male Stylist With Gay Tendencies.

When Jonathan went to shop in the Personality store he went down the Bitch aisle twice. He wears his emotions on his sleeve and is not afraid to go straight lunatic when things go wrong.

Witness him blow his stack every other show, leave the room, come back to apologize and then cry when everything turns out right. Oh and by the way, when he apologizes it's always with a hint of whiney-ass, woe-is-meism.

God help him, he has an infant baby this season.

Maybe I missed it. I didn't know he was dating. Now he's married with a kid. Scary!

Dad and baby will go through their terrible twos together. Only baby will grow out of it. Jonathan on the other hand...

And ugh, if I have to hear him cry in his therapy session about how thinly he's stretched, how people keep "asking" things of him - I swear I'm gonna write Bravo and threaten to cut down how much I watch.

Heh, heh.

He's stretched thin because he has two salons to manage, celeb heads to do, a hair care line and an ego the size of California to carry around.

And maybe it's me, but I never see anything so fab about his do's. Especially for what he charges.

He's hella condescending to most of his staff. That's what made it so fun to watch him and the other straight stylist constantly buck antlers on Season One. Jonathan clearly felt threatened.

I mean, come on, you can't have TWO straight stylists. The laws of stereotyping won't allow it.

Jonathan pitched a hissy when the guy lifted his shirt to compare his abs to another customers one day, all in fun - Dude, that's so unprofessional!

Jonathan's words not mine.

So he fired him and threw his stylist tools...materials, whatever in the alley. Because his bitchiness wouldn't allow him to be professional enough to store the guys stuff in the back for like 48 hours.

Oooh and he's sneaky!

Most people on reality tv are posers. They're totally overdoing it so the camera will shine upon them. Not Jonathan. You get the impression that he really is an asshole.

What irks me most about him is how he wants his way everytime, will NOT allow anyone to manipulate him or tell him how to do anything - from marketing to fashion design, neither of which are his forte. But he has no problem doing it to other people.

Say like, being called in to do the hair for a photo shoot for a line of clothing. He takes it upon himself to weave the girls down to their butts, then strip them close to butt-naked so that the hair not the clothes would be the focal point.

Yeah, yeah, the designer did end up liking the photos in the end. But come on! Who does that?!

That's like the Editor of CosmoGirl asking me to write an article on the whole Bow Wow and Ciara hook-up and me talking to Bow Wow about what it's like to work with Jermaine Dupri throughout the entire article.

Sure, Jermaine Dupri is one of the hottest producer out there and has been for a minute. There's the little matter of Mariah Cary's comeback (all him, in my opinion), the fact that he's dating Janet and continues to not only find talent but keep that talent working (umm, hello, resurrecting Da Brat from Surreal Life obscurity for the Dem Franchise Boyz remix.)

So yeah, there's more meat to that story than the strange Bow Wow/Ciara thing. But err...when an eddy asks for a story you deliver.

'Kay, my life ain't exactly fodder for reality TV. But ya feeling my point, right?

Dude undermines anyone else's opinion and vision.

So, how come I watch?

It's for the little moments. Like when he styled former American Idol contestant Diana DiGarmo's hair and right in the middle someone told him he had to get out because they needed her in wardrobe. So he had to trail behind her to get the job done.

Take that Mousse Boy!

It brought him down a peg and totally pissed him off. Because for all the marveling he does about his current circumstances - hanging out at Sundance, doing the heads of this celeb or that, giving hair tips on Good Morning America - the fact is, he's still the hired help.

Expensive help, yeah. But still, someone called in to pretty up the true stars of the show.


Blogger Don Tate II said...

I'm so out of the loop! I rarely watch TV, I didn't recognize any of the names. Good thing? Maybe? I did watch the Nanny, and loved it. Oh and wife swap.

1:11 PM

Blogger Miss P AKA Her Royal Cliqueness said...

I haven't watched any eps of the Nanny but hear a lot about it. I did watch Trading Spouses and one ep of Wife Swap.

TV is definitely where I turn my mind off. Sometimes the sheer awfulness of it is entertainment enough for me.

2:10 PM

Blogger Mujer del Rio said...

You're great---i watched blowout repeat last year and I thought dude was gay.
Funny stuff.

8:47 AM

Blogger Miss P AKA Her Royal Cliqueness said...

Yeah he's setting metrosexual men back a few decades!

I guess they never show his wife to give her some privacy. But truthfully, when he first mentioned his newborn I assumed he had adopted or had a surrogate.

8:54 AM

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